I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
