And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
