Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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