There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
