It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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