It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im six kinds of drunk right now
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
