First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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