just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we're making bets on your personal life
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize