She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
