I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
