Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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