I don't remember. Are we still dating?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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