I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
