a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
