I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
