Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
