i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
