Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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