6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
