Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
