I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
