she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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