i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
