I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
