I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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