When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
