my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
