Umm I'm too high to move.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
