i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
