i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
