i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't turn off my feet"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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