Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
