I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize