I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The uberlube is also flammable
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
