you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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