How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
