Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
