They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
