Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
