I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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