xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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