so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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