Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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