Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
