Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
