so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
