Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
