Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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