You smell like stripper and shame
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
