hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
