I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
