I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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