his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
