if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
