Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
