so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
