he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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