we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
