just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize