So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
