Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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