at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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