Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
