i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize