How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
