Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
